You’re both right

Good marriage counseling should make each party feel that the counselor is taking the other spouse’s side.

To men: only focus on being a better husband (with good boundaries and clear communication, of course… but not your main focus).

To wives: only focus on being a better wife (with good boundaries and clear communication, of course… but not your main focus).

The counselor, pastor, or friend should not tolerate litanies of what the other spouse does wrong or the other spouse’s character defects…. Which will make the litigant feel that he or she is not understood. So be it.

You’re right. But so is she. So what? You’re both right. What are you going to do about it? Not change the other person – that’s for sure. Instead, invest 100% of your energy in changing yourself.

Don’t worry so much about the other person’s performance. In fact, suppose she are being just as patient with you as you have to be of her (and vice versa), show some gratitude for that patience.

Then work harder on your responsibilities and forget the other person’s score card: for men focus on loving her, kindness, cherishing her, providing her safety (financial, emotional, and physical safety), and getting to know her; for women, loving him, respecting him, trusting him, and intimacy (physical, emotional, intellectual) with him.

Miracles happen when we pray, endure, and stick to our duty.