Chris Pratt, actor, troll, and preacher.

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Chris Pratt just received a generation achievement award from MTV so he decided to preach a sermon.

It’s not really a sermon because he had to make it funny, too. He went all Jordan Peterson on us and gave “Nine Rules from Chris Pratt, generation award winner”. The nine rules consist of 33% jokes (#1, #4, #7), 22% life advice (#3, #5), and 44% gospel lesson (#2, #9, #6, #8).

He mixes in the jokes with the gospel and even explains what he is doing (rule #4 is to trick a dog into taking his medicine by putting the medicine in a little piece of hamburger… which is exactly what he is doing.

Here’s his “gospel lesson.”

(#2) you have a soul, be careful with it.

(#9) you are imperfect.

(#6) God is real, he loves you and wants the best for you.

(#8) Learn to pray. It’s easy and so good for your soul.”

He even alluded to patriotism and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ when he said “grace is a gift. Like the freedom we enjoy in this country that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget it. Don’t take it for granted.”

Beautiful work from Chris Pratt.

Here’s all the lessons in order:


Number one: breathe. If you don’t, you’ll suffocate.

Number two: You have a soul. Be careful with it.

Number three: Don’t be a turd. If you’re strong, be a protector and if you’re smart, be a humble influencer. Strength and intelligence can be weapons and do not wield them against the weak. That makes you a bully. Be bigger than that.

Number four: When giving a dog medicine, put the medicine in a little piece of hamburger and they won’t even know they’re eating medicine.

Number five: Doesn’t matter what it is, earn it. A good deed, reach out to someone in pain, be of service, it feels good and it’s good for your soul.

Number six: God is real. God loves you. God wants the best for you. Believe that. I do.

Number seven: If you have to poop at a party, but you’re embarrassed because you’re going to stink up the bathroom, just do what I do. Lock the door. Sit down, get all the pee out first. Okay? Then, when all the pee’s done, poop-flush-boom. You minimize the amount of time that the poop is touching the air because if you poop first, then it takes you longer to pee and you’re peeing on it, stirring it up and the poop particles create a cloud that goes out and then everyone at the party will know that you pooped. Just trust me, it’s science.

Number eight: Learn to pray. It’s easy and it’s so good for your soul.

Number nine: Nobody is perfect. People are going to tell you you’re perfect just the way you are; you’re not! You are imperfect. You always will be, but there’s a powerful force that designed you that way. And if you’re willing to accept that you will have grace and grace is a gift. Like the freedom we enjoy in this country that grace was paid for with somebody else’s blood. Do not forget it. Don’t take it for granted.

God bless you. Please get home safely.


Watch the video here